"ok guys there's some good news and some bad news."
"and they would be?"
"the good news is that we can see the lord."
"ok then..."
"the bad news is the elves cant take any weapons or implements in side."
"WHAT!!!"
"what reason does he have?!"
"every one knows how elves have stronger feelings than others so he doesn't want any of you to go berserk."
"WHAT KIND OF A SICK RACIST JOKE IS THIS??!!!!"

"as you might remember, random would be a tiefling."
"by the way Galad, that social thing reminded me of when you dated that barmaid..."
"dang it Urthwrath! I told you never to speak of that again!"
"well..now that the people know...youmight as well tell them."
"ok first of all it was not a date, we just daced. second of all, how the heck was I supposed too know she was a shadow assassin?"
"I thought you roughs had a sign language..."
"that for assassins only you blithering pasta head!"
"don't worry Galad, the same thing has happened to me too*sigh*"

"hi guys. we're back."
"yes. as you see we've done some adventuring wile you gone."
"to my right is Kissata, an experienced elf warlock."
"charmed.*giggles*"
"and to my far left is Perrin, a warrior."
nod
"and Random is back there seeing if we can see the local lord about missing persons."
"pay attention to the social encounter you are going to see in a few posts. they can be used for a baseline on how to react and how to push a button or two."

"lets talk about treasure."
"sure. first of all if you don't get the magical item you want it definitely not the end of the world. you could probably just by the same thing at the bazaar or something."
"and also remember that weight is a factor in this game. try to travel lightly."
" which brings us to an announcement."
"yes it does. the blog will be on break as we go to scout camp for the week."
"and this is a boys only trip so expect us to be back on the 28th."
"see ya later!"

"let's go on to the subject of Non Player Characters."
"yes. first of all never cuss, moon, or give the single finger salute to any NPC. they're locally known, your a stranger, end of case."
"something you should also know is that you might be able to bargain with the NPCs to get a higher reward if you're polite, calm, maybe deceptive even."
"and if you want to impress them, you could try speaking in their native language."
"like that time you tried to speak elvish?"
"DANG IT URTHWRATH! I TOLD NEVER TO MENTION THAT!"

"wile we're on the subject of people, let's talk about the players."
"yes. first of all, you might encounter a player who has no idea what he is doing. don't get mad, even if the entire group dies because of him your just going too end up laughing about it later."
"and for the people who know what they're doing, try not to abuse the use of your rouge. he is probably one of the most important guys in your group. he'll probably end up saving you butts in several encounters."
"oh by the way, if you have any questions about D&D, you can post it as a comment and we can answer it so don't hesitate."

"ghosts will be shown as translucent green dudes with no arms, goliaths will be shown as "Jack Stone" characters, and warforged by that silver dude on the far left."
"let start our guide with what appropriate to say around other dungeoniers. first of all, NEVER mention T-bagging. it does not matter how you say it or when, its a term only meant for people who sit in front of an "X-BOX" all day playing "HALO 3" and doing multiplayer."

"hi there! I'm Urthwrath the cleric on the left."
"and I'm Galad Gorwise, cat burglar extraordinaire."
"well be your guides in this side series of 'noobs guide to Dungeons & Dragons'."
"in this series we'll tell you what to do, what not to do, and most thing in between."
"let's start with races. in this series do to lack of brick variety, we'll tell you what to look for. most of the time if there's somebody wearing a horned viking helm, that's a tiefling."
"goblins will be shown with non-horned viking helms and never have facial hair. who has even heard of a bearded goblin? NO ONE IN THE AMERICAS!"
"any way...dragonborn will be shown as heavily armored tall folk like the one on the far left. most of the guys we're using for dragonborns have horns on their helmets so don't confuse them with tieflings."
"elves will have hair most of the time, eladrin will have colored eyes like mine if you can see them, half elves will have a rough shave, dwarfs will always have beards and most of the large helms do to the fact we don't have any "lego" midget legs,demons will be represented by the weird guys with rotating torsous, and humans will have leather caps or fence-fronted helm if they have a helm. try to remember that for future posts."

2 hours later...

"a toast to the light!"
"to the light!"
"to Freezzan the titian!"
"to Freezzan!"
"so Zoray, where are you planing to go now?"(clyfask)
"I'm planing on heading to the sea front after this."
" I still don't see how we're supposed too pocket that reward."
"I know your excited To'mec, but that's a lot of silver."
"I think the Mek-speeders might break with that much to carry."

FIN............for now??:O

"well that explains the lock."
"lock at the size of those gems."
"you could feed a family for a year and still have enough left over for a pony."
"and I think this green one I found is a one of a kind."
"there are some more light stones in here."
"Clyfask?"
"yes?"
"I think it's about time we get out the last barrel out."
"that thing has been aging for years. it's about time we have a taste of it."

CRACK!
"I opened the pot."
click
"I opened the lock box."
"so why do you want to see what's in there right now?"
"if it's possible, we don't want to carry this flower pot all the way back to the lodge."
"and the chest?"
"we can carry it, I just want to see how careful we should be."
"fine by me."

"what are you doing?"
"I think if I hit it hard enough, this flower pot will open."
"oh hey To'mec, should I tell them about the..."
"no Zoray."
"not even the..."
"no."
"what about the..."
"SHUT IT YOU BLOODY WOMAN! WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT BLOODY SLIME PIT STAYS IN THAT BLOODY SLIME PIT!!!"
"hey! I almost have it unlocked."

"enough with this chit-chat, I'm opening this locker."
"Grul can you hold my sickle for a second, I have an idea about the beacon."
"will do."
"what's so special about the beacon?"
"first of all, there's a light stone an the top of it..."
"BLOODY ASHES! WHAT DID HE DO TO THIS LOCK, FIRE WELD IT?"
"the light stone is also flawless."
"odd in a matter..."
"and there's some thing in side of it."

"To'mec Wavehammer, Adventurer."
"that a fine blade you have."
"it can chop onions but I don't mind the smell."
"To'mec! every time you meet a mortan, you start babbling champagne crap! I'm getting tired of it. so why..."
"you try being a mercenary for a couple of years. so Freezzan, why do you carry so many skeletons on your back?"
"the men who got lost during Grul's ancestors time, I killed. they killed my sacred beast the gale hawk nearly to extinction. that is why I let the dragons come in the first place and let them kill some. I just never knew the power behind them all would come to destroy these ridges and move on to leech another province after another."

"hi guys! guess what we found. 2 snake hounds cooped up in a cage."
"I see you picked up some souvenirs."
"yes but why do I have to carry this stupid chest?"
"I have an idea about this beacon. But who the heck is he?"
"Freezzan, Storm of the Peaks, at your service. I dispatched those fleeing humans as they emerged. I've never seen a troglodyte run at 34 miles be for."

ssskk
"since when do you keep your skinning knife behind your neck?!"
"well they never frisked us."
"you could have stopped all of this a hour ago!"
"my hands were bound women! how do you stick both of your chained hands behind your head and not look suspicious?!"
"you were armed the whole time and never told me?"
" 'to trick your enemies you must first trick you friends,' does that happen to ring a bell?"
"WHAT??!!!!!"
"never mind, lets get our equipment, pick up some loot and get to the others."

"Darketh please, you don't have to do this..."
"so you think being bound, gagged, and thrown in to so cellar waiting for my trial is my idea of a fun time? I suggest you both put your hands behind your heads, turn around and lie on the ground be for I count to 10. 1...2...8..."
"do as he says."
"WHAT?!"
"just do it.you'll be fine."
"You'd better be right for your sake, To'mec."

"is that Darketh?"
"he's half mad!"
"Darketh..."
"no one moves."
"be reasonable..."
"all of my dreams were about to come true and then your friends from the clan lodge come in and ruin the entire ritual."
"look there's an easy way and a hard way to do this. and I'm not hesitant on using the hard one."
"I don't think so. this thing I'm holding is fragbang version 3.2, has 8 rounds of scatter shot, 4 rounds of impact shots, and it takes half a second for me to reload it so I wouldn't get any closer if I were you."

"why do we have to find Darketh?"
"if he finds one of the dragon cults, this mountain
will never know peace again."
"oh."
HHHHHOOOOOWWSSSSSSSTT!
"what the heck was that?"
"sounded like a snake hound!"
"you find your dog, we'll find Grayflame!"












"NOT GOOD!!!!!!!"

"a one way trip to the 'ellgates where you belong!"
CRASH!
"WHERE THE HECK DID THAT COME FROM!"
"LET'S FIND DARKETH AND GET OUT!"
. . .
"ALL RIGHT EVERY ONE WE'RE..."
"STOP!"
"ah crud."

"get off of her you slimy spawn of a earwig!"
"let go of meee mortan!"
"well scalebag you're taking a new flight path this time..."
"attack the golem!"
"chaaaaarrge!"

DOUZ!
"that has to painful to get backhanded by a golem. all right snake hound in 3, 2, 1, and..."
"Eep!"
"youzz make more enough trouble for ussss. I stop yourr meddling now and drain youzzz."